Altaf Hussain as a CNG Rickshaw driver…

I was thinking what would become of Karachi and the green CNG rickshaws, (legacy of debunked General & President Musharraf) if Altaf Hussain, Pir of London, Imam of Mohajirs of Karachi, were to suddenly transform from being a leader of MQM into an erstwhile rickshawala.

First, he won’t get any license. PPP wants all Sindhis, mostly un-educated and belonging to interior, to do everything. From sweepers to customs officers at port, to PIA’s various GMs, and the President of the god-damn country.

If in case he gets the license, he will do lot of things.

For one, he will not allow CNG rickshaw to remain green for ever. He will turn it into red blood with various slogans and his huge portraits, made white using extra box of talcum powder.

Non-Mohajirs won’t be allowed to sit in his CNG rickshaw. He will only allow Mohajirs to sit behind him (he likes everyone behind him!) He will also not use the traditional peep peep horn. In fact, he will use mulla-style speakers and blare MQM-zindabad slogans as he weaves his way across the city. His CNG Rickshaw will also not look like a CNG Rockshaw but more like a donkey fitted rickshaw. (Most of his party looks like a bunch of donkeys). And his CNG rickshaw will not climb the many idiosyncratic flyovers his assistant, Mr. Mustafa Kamal, has built around the city. So he being Altaf Hussain will flatten most of them much to the determinant of the city and its exploding population.

Altaf Hussain being Altaf Hussain will also not allow Pushtun-run buses to ply the city without harassing them. He will make sure that his red-blood CNG Rickshaw is always parked in front of their mini-buses. He will also try and poke Pushtuns and will try and provoke them. This will cause massive blood-shed in the city and Altaf Hussain being Altaf Hussain would ask all Mohajirs to carry arms so that they may protect themselves from the ‘terrorists’ Pushtuns. Thereafter, all CNG Rickshaws would be snatched at gun-point and other points from other drivers, painted red, with MQM flags installed and Altaf bhai portraits flashing with dark face and elephant white teeth. Then all these red-painted rickshaws will move behind Altaf Bhai’s rickshaw and will stop whenever he gives his comic speech to the millions of bhais and sisters of the city. (Meri behnoon tumhara kia, mein janoon mera Rickshaw janay).

Altaf Hussain is requested to remain in London and die there and not become the CNG Rickshaw driver in the city of Quaid-e-Azam. We can do without Altaf bhai riding the red-blood rickshaw. God Willing.