Thursday, August 7, 2008

Is Karachi ready for Osama bin Laden?

Hello folks. Oh sorry. Asalam u Alikum Ya Taliban & Ya Osama bhai and other Jihadis.

MQM chiefs have reportedly informed govt. of Pakistan (aka PPP and lots of coalition partners) that the threat of Talibanization to Karachi looks imminent. Mildly put, it means that we will all be Taliban sporting lot of things you see at National Geographic programs which are on Afghanistan. You will also like to blow up school girls, like Mama Parsi, and other brilliant places of education; you would also like to keep doctors away from your wives (one won’t do); you would also like to throw away your camera as photography is not much appreciated by them (never mind Osama bhai always gives video interviews). You would, if in case we have MQM replaced with Talibans and Al-Qaeda, also have to replace Bhai Altaf’s photographs, posters, and 90 from Karachi. In place of them we would need lots of Osama shots: Osama praying, Osama marrying yet another woman, Osama praying again, Osama tapping suicide bombers, and Osama doing everything else. Lot of printing jobs would be offered, but to those having flourishing beards, amamas (Arabic term for turban), and wives in tow (I think Jamatias will take away all the jobs!)

So, do we need Taliban / Osama bin Laden in Karachi?

One major change which Karachi is likely to see, if that happens, is the destruction of roads. Taliban don’t need much roads. They are hardy mountain people and Osama, an Arab, has now gotten used to tough terrains as well. So, the crazy-ness which our young, happy Nazim shows about building and re-building roads would be gone. As I stated earlier, so would the posters of Altaf bhai pastered with pan peek and niswar decorations. We would also not hear much about road-side muwalis (caste-aways) and charsees (drug addicts); and the wholesale business of Heroin at various Tombs would also go down. Various liquor shops around Karachi, especially at Shahra-e-Faisal and Defence areas, which are really very visible, would also need to shift their business elsewhere, maybe to Lahore. We would also see an end to prostitution which happens openly at Lea Market, Tariq Road and Defence (all phases). We might also see an end to expensive ad campaigns and the stars of Ad agencies and GEO Bhago network would be preaching in masjids called GEO masjids. We might as well see our 25th December replaced with the birth anniversary of Osama’s 33rd child. All in all, it would be fun for some and no fun for many others.

But Osama is not a happy man. He and his Taliban friends like to destroy historical sites (destruction of Bahmian Buddhas built over 100 years and which stood there for over 2000 years), does not like to have Americans and other investors around; he and his Taliban friends also apparently hate games (the execution of prisoners during Taliban time took place in football stadium, Kabul). Osama bhai also does not appear to be a great fan of beaches either. So no night parties anymore.

Oh yes, 90 will surely become 9/11!

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